don't forget (your bones and skin)
by Fialleril
Summary: Kylo Ren has spent years seeking the guidance of Darth Vader. But he never expected this. (Or, the one where Kylo and Rey have a heated existential debate about the true nature of Anakin Skywalker. And there are ghosts.)


Set in basically the same universe as my fic _in the place that's made of old relations_ (and the title of this one also comes from Mirah's song _Bones & Skin_). Assume that everything in that fic happened, minus the bits with BB-8, and it works pretty well as an intentional AU.

So this is basically the scene where Kylo Ren interrogates Rey, but in a world where Rey is much more aware of her family history and grew up with her ghostly granddad. And Anakin, true to form, has never been about lies and secrets (in the OT he was the only parental / mentor figure in Luke's life who never lied to him), so Rey knows her grandfather's entire history, as well as quite a bit about Tatooine culture.

* * *

 **don't forget (your bones and skin)**

The girl's mind was much stronger than he'd expected.

He caught brief glimpses, flashes of images: an island in the sea, a smile on Han Solo's face, that traitor stormtrooper looking at her with hope in his eyes. But he didn't see what he needed. He could sense it there, _so close_ , the last piece of the puzzle that would lead him to Luke Skywalker, to the final completion of his destiny. He just needed –

And then quite suddenly the girl's mind was an alien world, speaking an incomprehensible language. A language that he almost recognized, but couldn't understand. A language that –

"You're afraid," the girl said. "Afraid that you'll never be as powerful as Darth Vader."

Kylo Ren froze.

She'd read him. He'd sensed the Force in her but he hadn't thought – But no. No. He wasn't afraid. Of course he wasn't. She was wrong. Darth Vader was his grandfather and he carried his grandfather's legacy. He was –

"You're wrong about him, you know," the girl said.

He spun back to face her with a snarl. "What are you talking about?"

"Anakin Skywalker," she said. Her voice was infuriatingly calm, but something in her eyes blazed. She was more dangerous than he'd thought.

But she clearly didn't know anything. "Darth Vader," he said. "Anakin Skywalker was only a beginning. Darth Vader transcended him. He became – "

The girl spat at his face. She missed, of course – she was much too far away – but for a moment he was surprised into silence.

"No," she said fiercely. "You're wrong, and I won't call him by that slave's name."

That was too much. This girl was pathetic, and she understood nothing. He was wasting his time here. He needed that map, and her weak attempt at distraction was irrelevant. There were far more important things at hand.

But still he found himself saying, "How dare you! You don't know anything about him!"

The girl did the last thing he'd expected. She actually laughed.

"I've known him almost my whole life," she said with the ease of absolute surety. "He's my grandfather."

This time it was the world that froze around him. Her words echoed again and again in the air between them. Kylo Ren gritted his teeth.

"Darth Vader is _my_ grandfather," he told her, his eyes boring into her, searching out her every deceit. "And you are a liar."

But she wasn't. He could feel that even as he said the words. Her eyes had grown impossibly wide, filled with shock and horror and the beginnings of something far, far worse. Pity.

In that moment he hated her.

"Darth Vader is _my_ grandfather," he snarled at her again. "And I carry his legacy. This is _my_ birthright. His power flows through me and I will finish what he started."

The girl's eyes sparked and she tugged forward in her restraints, as though she'd like nothing better than to lunge for him. She opened her mouth –

And spoke in that strangely familiar, unintelligible language, her eyes now directed at an empty point in space somewhere past his right shoulder.

"What are you – "

"No," she said, turning back to look with burning intensity at him. "You're wrong. That's not his legacy at all, Ben."

He breathed in, a sharp, half-broken sound he couldn't control. For the first time, he wished desperately that he hadn't removed his mask.

"What – What did you call me?"

"Ben," the girl said. "It's your name. That's what Granddad says."

"What?"

She looked at him very oddly. "Granddad. My – _our_ grandfather." She swallowed visibly. "He's here. Can't you see him?"

There was no one in the room but the two of them, of that Kylo was certain. But he was just as sure what she was seeing.

She was more pathetic than he'd thought.

"That's a trick," he told her with a laugh that was half snarl. He knew this trick well. It was the worst of his temptations. "It's not real. I know." The girl's eyes widened in surprise, and Kylo let his smile sharpen. "I've seen it too. The apparition. It's nothing but a temptation of the Light, making a mockery of Darth Vader. But I've seen through it. I'm stronger now. And you're a fool if you believe it."

The girl sagged back in the restraints, all the fire going out of her. He allowed himself a moment of triumph. She was weak and pathetic and she was –

She wasn't even looking at him.

Her eyes had drifted to focus past him again, looking over his shoulder. Kylo resisted the urge to turn. There was nothing there.

"He can't see you," the girl whispered to the empty air.

He wanted to laugh, but he wanted even more to see what she would do now. She was an easily duped fool, but…he was curious in spite of that. Darth Vader was her grandfather too. He'd felt the truth in her words, and he couldn't doubt them now, no matter how much he wanted to. She was unworthy of the legacy, unworthy to stand with him, and Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, knew what that must mean eventually. But she –

She was silent for a long moment, as though listening. It was a pointless farce, but he had to admit she did it well.

And then she started talking in that other language again.

It was rich and rolling, full of harsh consonant sounds interspersed with long, lilting vowels between. The effect was almost musical.

He couldn't understand it, but he recognized it all the same.

The apparition, that temptation of the Light that had claimed to be his grandfather, had spoken this way several times. Kylo was ashamed to admit that once, when he was much younger and far more foolish and prone to temptation, he had tried to discover what language it was, and where it came from. But he'd had no success. And it didn't matter anyway. The fact that this girl somehow knew the same language meant nothing. It was –

"It's Granddad's language," the girl said, looking at him again quite suddenly. She was still slumped back in the restraints, but now she didn't look especially bothered by them. She almost seemed to have forgotten them. It was disconcerting.

He was growing tired of this charade.

"Enough of this," Kylo snarled. "I am not interested in your delusions. Tell me where to find Luke Skywalker, or I will rip it from your mind."

"Why do you want to know so badly?" the girl asked. There was fear in her eyes, but her voice was maddeningly calm.

He ground his teeth. "You don't ask the questions here. You have one more chance to comply. Don't test my patience."

"You can try to take it," she said, her chin lifting in challenge. "But we both know the link works both ways now."

His fingers itched for his lightsaber. This girl was insufferable. And it would be so easy… But he needed her. He needed that information. Once he got it, he could be rid of her. Teach her a proper lesson for her disrespect.

"That is not important," he snapped, and dove back into her mind.

This time the images were clearer, sharper, but all her thoughts were in that other language. And every picture was the same. An endless stretch of sand, the awful breadth of an infinite blue sky, the smallness of life in the desert. He saw the girl, but much younger, saw her walking through a swirl of blinding sand, following an unseen voice. Saw her laughing and talking with that false grandfather, surrounded by a blue glow. Saw her climbing about in the wreckage of – of a Star Destroyer. Saw her raise a staff and bring it crashing down, pieces of metal and machinery raining around her, as she systematically destroyed what looked very much like one of Darth Vader's meditation pods.

And he felt her mind brush against his.

"It's Amatakka," the girl said. Her face was inches from his own, but now she looked completely unafraid. "Granddad's language. The language of the slaves."

Kylo gritted his teeth and ignored her. The map was there, just beneath the shifting sands in her mind. He could feel it. He only had to –

"Why do you follow him?" the girl asked. "Snoke. Why do you obey him, Ben?"

"Stop _calling_ me that," he snarled. "My name is Kylo Ren!" The lightsaber leapt into his hand and he slashed out, gouging deep grooves in the floor on either side of her prison. The girl didn't so much as flinch.

"Your name is Ben," she said. "I won't call you by your slave-name, either."

He stilled. The lightsaber glowed in his hand between them. "I'm not a slave," he said.

The girl's face softened, something strange and sad lighting her eyes. "Yes you are," she said. She cocked her head as though listening. "Granddad says you're _keekta-du_. It means you've forgotten where you come from, who you are. You obey your Master. That makes you a slave."

His hand tightened crushingly on the grip of the lightsaber. There was nothing here he could destroy, and he needed _so badly_ to destroy something. But he couldn't kill her. Not until he had the information. Supreme Leader would be angry if –

"You see?" she said in a whisper. "If you were free, you wouldn't be afraid."

That was too much. _She_ was the one bound in chains. He stepped forward, crowding against her, the lightsaber held so close to her face that she flinched away from the heat.

"You don't know anything about me," he hissed. "And you don't know Darth Vader either."

The girl was breathing sharply, leaning her face away from the blaze of his lightsaber, and she still managed a faint smile. It wasn't even directed at him. She was looking over his shoulder again.

He felt the pulse of fear thrum in his blood. And no matter how much he tried to convince himself, he knew the fear wasn't hers.

He pressed the lightsaber closer still, until the flame scorched against her neck, and then –

There was a light click, almost inaudible, and then he was pushed across the room by a wave of crushing force. The lightsaber was ripped from his hand and clattered to the floor at her feet.

Kylo Ren blinked, dazed, and dragged himself upright.

The girl was standing beside her restraints, free and entirely unharmed. His lightsaber still lay at her feet, but she made no move to pick it up.

And beside her was the apparition.

It was a lie. Kylo knew it was a lie. Supreme Leader Snoke had showed him the truth, about his grandfather and himself. This…this _thing_ was only a temptation of the Light, something meant to lure him from the greatness of his destiny. He knew this.

But it had been years now since he'd seen the thing. He'd thought he had finally defeated it. He must have been slipping more than he'd realized, recently, if it was back now. The thought sent a cold wave of fear pulsing through his bones.

He closed his eyes and concentrated on what he knew to be true. But when he opened them again, the apparition was still there.

It looked different than he remembered, though. There was no trace of gentleness in its face this time. And the blaze of anger in its eyes was very clearly directed at Kylo.

For the first time, he thought that this man could almost have been Darth Vader.

"You don't exist," he told the apparition. But his own voice betrayed him, coming out thin and wavering. The shame of it burned him. He was stronger than this. He should be able to resist this temptation.

The thing stepped closer. No, not stepped. It stalked. In two strides it crossed the room and stood glaring down at Kylo. The blue glow that surrounded the thing did nothing to disguise the fire in its eyes.

It moved like Darth Vader, he'd give it that. He'd watched any number of vids of his grandfather, and this apparition did a good job of imitating Vader's stride. Better, actually, than Kylo did himself, but he wasn't about to admit that.

The thing stopped just in front of him. It was taller than Kylo, and he could feel the energy pouring from it in waves. The Force around it warped and distorted like the gravity well of a black hole. He'd never felt such power before.

"Granddad," the girl said warningly, but her voice sounded very far away. Kylo couldn't tear his eyes from the terrible apparition.

"No, Ben," it said. "I'm more real than you."

And then it stretched out its hand and shoved him, directly in the center of his chest.

Kylo Ren stumbled back, sucking in ragged, disbelieving breaths. The thing had touched him. Its hand had been warm and real and as burningly solid as a lightsaber blade. And it was looking at him now with absolute disdain.

 _You're afraid you'll never be as powerful as Darth Vader_ , he heard the girl say again, and the words rang in his mind, echoing and re-echoing to the thud of his heart.

"No," he whispered.

The apparition bore down on him mercilessly. "I _am_ you grandfather," it said. "Search your feelings, you know it to be true."

"No," Kylo breathed again, but everything in him was spiraling and falling away.

This was no trick, no temptation of the Light. The anger that blazed in the spirit's eyes and permeated the Force was far too real.

Kylo had killed fear years ago. That was how he'd earned his name – his true name, not the name of that weak child he'd left behind. But now, looking up at those ghostly eyes, for the first time in years Kylo Ren was completely terrified.

"Very well," the spirit said in a voice like death. "I will speak in a language you _can_ understand."

And suddenly Kylo was choking.

The muscles of his throat constricted and he gagged on air. Desperately, he reached for the Force. He _knew_ this, had studied this technique, he could stop it, he –

He was gasping and helpless and the power behind that invisible grip was more than anything he'd ever felt. It could obliterate him with a thought, and there was nothing he could do.

 _You'll never be as powerful as Darth Vader_ , he heard the girl say again.

And then he heard her voice again in reality, screaming, "Granddad! Let him go!"

The pressure on his throat abruptly disappeared and Kylo sank to the floor. His breath came in a strained, panting wheeze.

"Just introducing myself properly," the spirit said coldly.

He could still feel the ghost of that horrible pressure around his throat, but Kylo cast the pain aside and forced himself to look up. It was him. Darth Vader. At last, after all these years of waiting, of calling out and receiving no answer. At last his grandfather had truly heard him.

"Lord Vader," he breathed, and quickly ducked his head again in deference.

"Get up," Vader snapped. "Don't you dare bow to me like you do to your _Master_."

Kylo scrambled to his feet, ignoring the burn in his throat. Vader was still standing there, glaring down at him, and he _looked_ no different than that false apparition of the Light, but this time, Kylo knew, everything would be different. This time it was not a trick. This time –

"You know nothing of power," Vader snarled.

"Then teach me!" Kylo begged, too eager to be ashamed of his desperation. "I've been asking, Grandfather, I've been asking for your aid for so long. Please! Show me!"

But Vader's eyes only blazed down at him like the white hot heart of a star going nova. "How can I teach you, boy, when you won't listen?"

"I will," Kylo gasped. "I am. Please, Grandfather. Teach me the true power of the Dark Side."

Vader laughed. It was a low, almost angry bark of laughter, and it set a shiver buzzing through Kylo's bones. "The Dark Side? You want to know the true power of the Dark Side?"

Quite suddenly the spirit was _right there_ , so close that Kylo could feel a faint ghostly breath across his cheek, so close that the air seemed to sizzle with energy and he thought he might burn if he didn't step away.

But Vader didn't back down, and neither did Kylo.

"There is no power in the Dark Side," his grandfather hissed. "The Dark is a chain. A detonator planted under your skin. It holds you captive and obedient and bowing and scraping to _Master_. That's not power, boy."

Kylo reeled back, his own breathing loud in his ears. It was a lie. It had to be. Somehow the Light had tricked him. This wasn't Darth Vader. It couldn't be. Vader wasn't –

"No," he gasped, his voice hoarse and strange even to him. "No, that's a lie. That's _her_ lie." He'd almost forgotten the girl's presence, but now he spun to face her with a snarl of rage. "It's _you_. You're doing this, somehow. But I won't be fooled! Vader wasn't – "

"A slave?" his grandfather said. But no, no, not his grandfather, it was a lie, it was –

"Oh yes I was," the spirit said, hard and relentless. He'd stepped close again, and in spite of himself Kylo found his eyes drawn to the apparition's face.

His grandfather smiled at him, but there was nothing kind in that smile. "All my life," Vader said with a mocking twist of his lip. "Yes, _Master_. No, _Master_. What is thy bidding, my _Master_?" He spat the last word. "He ordered and I went. He told me to kill and I killed. And when I failed, there was pain. But you know all about that, don't you, Ben?" He laughed again, soft and terrible. "The power of the Dark Side. That's all it is. You belong to him, and he'll use you and use you until he's used you up. And then he'll trade you in. That's what Masters do."

Kylo was distantly aware of his head shaking in frantic denial. No. This wasn't right. This was – it was only a temptation, it had to be, it was –

It was far too real to be a trick of the Light. He knew that. He knew, and it burned in him.

"Congratulations, Ben," Vader said, his voice at once vicious and profoundly sad. "You're _just like me_."

Kylo's blood pounded in his ears. The bare white walls felt suddenly close and horribly stifling. He wanted nothing more than to look away from his grandfather's terrible face.

But he couldn't.

"No," said the girl suddenly. "He's not, Granddad. He hasn't learned what you did. Not yet."

Vader stepped back at last, his face falling from that awful burning intensity into a look of cautious consideration. "No," he said slowly. "He hasn't. And he can't, so long as he remains a slave."

"What – " Kylo gasped out, but he didn't even know what he'd meant to ask.

"There is no power in the Dark," Vader told him, calm now but utterly inexorable. "Not for you, Ben. You will only ever be a pawn to Snoke, used and manipulated and lied to, until your usefulness is done." He let out a low huff of breath, strong enough that, to Kylo's surprise, he felt it ruffle his hair. "But if you will listen, Ben, I can show you true power."

"Where is true power then? I suppose you'll tell me it's to be found in the Light," Kylo sneered. Or tried to. He also tried to ignore the waver in his voice, and the minute shaking in his hands, and the girl's eyes on him, strange and pitying.

"True power," said his grandfather, "is not in the Dark. You may find it in the Light, as you never will in the Dark, but the Light is not power, either. True power is freedom."

The spirit reached out, and in spite of himself Kylo flinched away from his hand. But it only came to rest on his shoulder, warm and solid and radiating energy. "I can show you that power, Ben. I can teach you. But you must be willing to listen."

The world stilled and spiraled all at once. Kylo sucked in quick, shuddering gasps of air, and they still weren't enough. His grandfather's implacable face was all that existed.

"It's too late," Kylo breathed, half against his will.

"No," said Grandfather. "It's not too late. That's the greatest lie of all."

Now the girl too had stepped close, standing just beside the spirit and looking at Kylo as though she could see right through him. He was suddenly afraid that she really could.

"Come with us, Ben," she said.

He gaped at her. She'd been his prisoner only moments ago. She still was, technically. "What?"

The girl's face hardened, but she still looked at him with cool pity in her eyes. "I'm leaving this place," she said. "Whether you come or not. You won't hold me here. But you can come with me. With us." Her eyes softened. "Granddad can help you, Ben. You just have to let him."

And she squared her shoulders and stretched out her hand to him.

He stared at her hand where it waited there, hanging in the air between them, an impossible offering. It didn't make sense. She should have hated him. He'd tortured her only minutes before. She should have –

And his grandfather. His grandfather, Darth Vader, the slave. He tried to summon up the outrage, the disbelief he should have felt. But everything was ashes now. The Force was screaming at him. _Search your feelings_ , the spirit had said, but in his heart Kylo Ren had already known the truth.

But Supreme Leader Snoke had said –

Supreme Leader Snoke had told him everything. The truth about his family, his destiny, his legacy. The truth about his grandfather. He had to believe –

Kylo swallowed hard. His eyes were still caught on the girl's hand, and his throat burned with the memory of pain.

"Come with us, Ben," Grandfather said, looking down at Kylo with the gentle, sad eyes that he remembered from all the spirit's previous visits. He'd thought them soft before. Now he raised a hand to massage his aching throat and wondered how he could have been so very mistaken.

Grandfather was here. Not a temptation or an illusion or a trick, but real. _More real than you_ , he'd said, and now Kylo understood what he'd meant. It was Kylo Ren who was the lie.

"If you want to know true power," Grandfather said, "cast off your chains, throw down your Master and be free."

Kylo could feel himself shaking. "I don't know how," he whispered.

And quite suddenly Grandfather smiled. It was a warm, beaming smile, bright as a binary sunrise and just as strong. The Force pulsed with the strength of it.

"That's all right," Grandfather said, extending his hand beside the girl's. "I spent a long time learning myself. And now I can teach you."

"Come with us, Ben," the girl said again. "You don't have to be afraid anymore."

Kylo looked at them, the girl and their grandfather, one living and the other a spirit of immeasurable power, but both looking at him with the same fierce, burning intensity. There were no lies here. And he knew that, no matter what he chose, he couldn't go back. Not now.

With trembling arms he reached out and took their two hands in his own.


End file.
